I hate people. A lot. No really. They're so dramatic about their own lives and when they're in need everyone must console them. But if you happen to be the one who is usually doing consoling, when it's your turn to be consoled, in a moment of drama, passion, whatever it may be, they turn on you. You're scum, there must be something wrong with you, you need to stop whining and get on with your life.
Hypocrites.

If I'm angry, I'm angry. Deal with it. If I'm sad, or god forbid, depressed, let me have it. Maybe try returning the favor?

August.

I hate it, this month. August is so dead, so tiresome with it's heat and humidity! There are no flowers popping from every direction like there are in spring. No juicy, sweetest-of-the-sweet fruits to bite into like the early summer months. All you get is sweat and the confidence to sleep in the nude.
The one good thing about August, is the anticipation of September. The beginning of fall. Oh cool, crisp, melancholy little season.

Precisley.

“I froze before the keyboard. I couldn’t think of a damn thing to say. No poems, no prose, no words. The pain cannot even be alchemized into art, into words, into something you can chalk up to an interesting experience because the pain itself, its intensity, is so great that it has woven itself into your system so deeply that there is no way to objectify it or push it outside or find its beauty within.”

- Elizabeth Wurtzel

Conjuring romantic fantasies.

I should have been born an aristocrat in the Edwardian period, who escapes to the country as soon as the summer starts. With trunks full of white lace dresses, straw hats, and silk ribbons to tie back my hair. I would swim in the giant fountains to keep cool, and pick wildflowers behind the old manor. Drink earl grey tea in the morning with toast and jam; fruits and lemon flavoured water in the afternoon. I would read books until my eyes were cross and take naps before supper.

In the heat of summer, I go where the wildflowers grow. by wolfsmilk featuring Stella McCartney clothing

Remind me to read:

'Tipping The Velvet'

'American Gods'

'The Tempest'

'One Hundred Years of Solitude'

'The Secret Garden'

'The Portrait of a Lady'

'Sexing The Cherry'

Also, I have a rash on my foot and it is driving me crazy. I think I may have stepped in some poison oak walking through the park on the way to work the other day. No more scenic roots for me. :[

Oh but all I do is watch TV, A programme I want to, But I never see it, Cos I'm thinking about you.

cleanliness and reflections on mushy gushy love stuff.

I really hate not waking up to him every morning. I remember him stealing kisses from me, thinking I was still fully asleep.

nothing at all in my head.

i can't seem to snap out of this dreamy state. my vacation this time around was so bitter-sweet, i think it may have even given me permanent a stomach ache. will's car broke down just before i got there, so we didn't go many places or too far from his home, but that was fine by me. the best memory i have of it all is lounging on his couch, with pillows and a blanket, he in his boxers and t-shirt, me in my night slip, legs sprawled out across him, watching movies inside with fans and the a/c blasted up, on a muggy florida afternoon. we watched "fanastic mr.fox" and "the adventures of baron munchausen", drank iced tea [with plenty of ice] and ate waffles with strawberries.

what more could a dreamy-eyed, lazy girl ask for?

this time at the airport neither of us cried. i think it was too early in the morning to really feel anything but tired. nevertheless it was sad. and i hate leaving him.

wishlist.

this started out as a generic birthday wish, but i'll just consider this a general wishlist for the rest of this year [they are in no particular order]:

- get a new cell [preferably a blackberry bold. yep, i'll be one of those jerks.]

- get rid of this old computer of mine and upgrade to a pretty laptop. i am thinking a nice toshiba.

- learn to bake. i mean really go nuts with cookies, cupcakes, cakes, petits fours, everything.

- get will up here, be it to visit or live?

- find the perfect haircut and keep it for at least a full year.



...i will continue to add more to this, providing i remember!

just another diamond day.

i've been in a very 60s/70s whimsical girly folk mood as of late. i think it's mostly to do with the anticipation of spring. i want to wear florals and pastels, put my hair up in a bouffant and curl just the tips. wear peachy lipsticks and blushers ,false lashes and lots of black eyeliner.

it may also relate to the happiness i find myself luxuriating in when i'm talking to will about our future. i'm not saying it won't be stressful, but i am excited, and i hope it goes as planned.

if marriage [dun, dun, dunnnnn] is the end all and be all, so beit. i'm still not one for big weddings [though i will take a cake], but if it will help us be together, why not? city hall, here i come! maybe. as for rings. eh. if anything at all, which i really don't care so much for, i'd want a simple, thin, unpolished, hammered gold band [no diamonds whatsoever]. something that won't cost more than a few hundered dollars.
the only reason i'd except it, is because he wants to give me one. which is cute.
but please, nothing big and gaudy. i'll save those for cocktail parties.

lullaby.

i wish i could just quit this lousy job and create beautiful things. i'm tired of worrying about stepping on petty and insecure people's toes every day. the most frightening and annoying thing is seeing similarities of them, in myself.
i need to get out.

i realize now, no matter how hard i try, i was not born to stand in with the norm of uncreative people. it runs in my blood to create, not just appreciate creativity.

the things i want and the things i got.

firstly, i have to say, i really love eriebasin.com. even if i can't afford anything they find, i at least know i have a slim chance of finding something like it out there [especially when i got to the antique market].


example; these 1880s carved whitby jet mourning earrings [gush] are worth about $595 CAD. but man do i love them. so their similar counterpart will be my next hunt.

secondly, i don't know if i mentioned this earlier, but after realizing that my jewelry had been stolen from my luggage, i found out on my first day back at work, that three pairs of my shoes were thrown out. one of which were worth $200. not nice. so, my manager promised me that i could find a new pair around the same price, and he'd have the company pay for them. sounds fair. and it just so happens i had my eye on these sweet little shoes.



when i first saw them they were on sale for $200! but i went back to see if they still had them the other day, and they had gone down to $118. you've no idea how happy i was when i found out. i kept thinking about them after i first laid eyes on them, i mean i really thought i might spend the $200 on them, even knowing i couldn't really afford it. so i guess, in the long run, it was meant to be. they remind me of edward scissorhands! not to mention, i wore them to work today, and they are super comfy!

i'm pretty darn happy right now [even if i am losing my voice for the second time. jeez louise].

good weather makes for good outfits.

i'm going to the antique market tomorrow. it's supposed to be an amazing 6 degrees with nothing but sun tomorrow, so hopefully my outfit will look something like this. i just really wish i had those boots!

after my little extravaganza at the market, i'd like to come home, have a late lunch, a nap, and then go out again to meet everyone at toby's for cheap drinks and a few good laughs.

we die forever.

i've been really moody lately. i think he's annoyed by it and is getting cold feet. things already seem different. perhaps it is just because we're so far apart for so many months at a time. i hope that's all it is. i don't like second guessing matters of the heart.

happy valentine's. i think i'll leave this holiday to the victorians.

r.i.p.

alexander mcqueen 1969-2010.

come closer, sweet human child.

i'm still looking for other jobs, but i also need to figure out what to do for school and where the hell i am going to be living in the next year or two. am i going back to florida? sometimes i think it'd be okay. but i have a hard time dealing with the standards down there. they're not the same as they are here. i never noticed before, but now it's something i can't ignore, no matter how hard i try. we'll see.

i was watching a interview with two women from a blog i read regularly, and one of them, michelle, said something about being an only child, and how because of, she never really feels lonely. she's content to live in her own head most of the time. it just comes naturally.
i have to say, that's the same way i feel most of the time. i'm always day dreaming about something, and i don't think there's ever a moment, other then perhaps when i'm sleeping, that i'm not putting something together, or creating scenarios. i think that's why a lot of the time i'd rather be at home, listening to music and laying on my bed, staring at the ceiling, more than going out with a huge group of people and trying to find things to do to entertain everyone.

not to say i'm completely anti-social. i love going out and doing things too. but most of the time i'm really okay doing them by myself.

sick the wolves.

i just really like this ensemble. it's something i'd wear all the time.
reblogged from : http://www.greytheblog.com/2010/01/pre-fall-10.html


i've got this real itch to go back to school and absorb tons of fascinating information. anthropology it is. i mean really, i've made up my mind this time. i swear.

voyage.

i've had the past three days off, and it's really been total bliss. i've been reading my magazine with coffee in the morning, snacking on sour dough and cranberry bread, watching movies and day dreaming like crazy. on sunday mom took me to the st. lawrence market where i found an adorable beaded 1950's cardigan [original silk lining in it and everything!], a 1940's slip with a few minor bits to fix, a late '40s/early '50s black clutch purse, a really interesting gold snake necklace [which i might also use as a belt], a little gold ring with a dog on it that looks like piggy, a faux pink pearl bracelet, and a few other little things. i mean i really hit the jack pot.
the market is only on sundays, but i think every time i have a sunday off [and a little extra cash to spare], that's where i'll be. especially come spring and summer.

tonight i downloaded the new album IRM by charlotte gainsbourg. i've posted one song, a cover, she has on the album on facebook. so far i really love the whole thing. it's a bit moody, artsy and feminine. "voyage" is a great song.

will's asked me to go down again in april. hopefully i can get the time off work! i'm already day dreaming about what outfits to wear, since it will be sweltering by then. i almost wish i could wear slips like elizabeth taylor in "cat on a hot tin roof" the entire time.

acne and miss swinton.

i bought this at indigo today. 12$ for a magazine seems a bit steep to me, but i have heard good things about this one, and this issue was too tempting! one, i love tilda swinton [though when i first picked it up i didn't even realize it was her!], two, this editorial reminds me of the silent films/gustav klimt paintings/siouxsie sioux. three things i adore! i plan to have my hair done like it is in this. it's basically what i have now, but more styled. mine is beginning to look a tad disheveled and un-chic. heaven forbid it!
anyways, you can have a better look at it here: http://fashiongonerogue.com/2010/01/acne-paper-sweden-tilda-swinton-by-paolo-roversi/

i have the next three days off, so i plan to read every article in it with cups of tea at hand.

fidelity.

these are made by a vancouver studio. i have seen them being sold in the little shop not far from where i live, and oh, how i have admired them for about a year now. i would love this one. it reads, in french; "faithful in absence". if only the price point was a little more my style too!

bright star.

i finally watched this movie this morning. it was wonderful. i'd even go as far to say i enjoyed it more than pride&prejudice. somewhat because it was so beautifully done, soft is the word that comes to mind. but mostly because it seemed so real. well, it was real. but it went along so calmly, much like real life. yes, i adored this movie. i have never wept so much during and after a film. in fact, i've never wept, after a film at all! this was a first for me.

so now, like the overly enthusiastic girl i am, i must go out and find a book with all the workings of john keats and read them until my eyes are swollen and dried up of all my tears.

he said :

every bit of you is perfect
I can't believe it
every single inch
you dress so classy too
and you kiss so soft